


Mad Tea Party

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who, Sherlock (TV), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor, One Shot, WhoVengerLock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-10
Updated: 2012-07-10
Packaged: 2017-11-09 13:31:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/455989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even evil masterminds enjoy tea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mad Tea Party

"Sorry, but didn't you die?" asked the Master suddenly, looking across the table at the other man. He was sure he'd seen something on telly about his tragic suicide.  
"Didn't you?" countered Moriarty. "Prime Minister for what, two days? Heart attack?" he asked with an eye roll. "I mean really, heart attack? How dull can you be?"  
"Actually, it was a bullet," he corrected, annoyed. "And I was PM for a year, it's just that the year was erased from time. Damn shame, bloody brilliant year that was!"  
"I didn't vote for you," said Moriarty flatly.  
"I had the entire planet under mind control, I'm _sure_ you did," said the Master dismissively.  
"That only works on ordinary people," insisted the consulting criminal.  
"Then what the hell are you?!"  
"A year?" interrupted the third man incredulously. "How is it that you, a mere human, had success where a god did not?"  
"Mere human? Try again, _Loki_ ," he spat. "Like I'm some pathetic human. I'm a Time Lord. Just because I do a better job of hiding it..."  
"You might wanna reword that a bit. Pathetic?" questioned Moriarty.  
"The Lord of Time is correct," stated Loki. "Humans are weak and designed to be rules."  
"Well maybe the ordinary ones," said Moriaty indignantly.  
"I will admit, you are very impressive for an ape," said the Master. "But still human, and inferior in almost ever way."  
Moriaty looked as if he was going to say something absolutely scathing when a voice came from the kitchen. "Harry darling, do you and your friends want some tea?" called Lucy.  
The Master held out his hands, gesturing "well?"  
Both Loki and Moriaty nodded. Never turn down a good cup of tea.  
"Yes dear, that would be lovely," he called back.  
"So, what was that about inferior in every way?" asked Moriarty looking smug.  
"Do not bring my wife into this," snapped the Time Lord.  
"If she brings tea, I have no quarrel with the woman," said Loki with a shrug. "Only good thing your planet ever made, tea..."  
For a moment, the three men were quiet, murmuring in mutual agreement at the loveliness of tea. It was the Master that broke the silence.  
"Ok, I have to ask, what's with the horns?" he asked.  
The Asgardian straightened up. "It's a symbol of my power."  
"Right, remind me to never take over Asgard if that's the getup," said dismissively.  
"As if you could," sneered Loki.  
"As if you could stop me," countered the Master.  
Moriaty rolled his eyes. "Look, can we not get into this? I'd rather not watch two immortal beings argue like schoolboys, it's just pathetic."  
"Silence, Midgardian!" commanded Loki.  
"Oh, I'm scared now, the man in the funny hat called me a name," said Moriarty sarcastically.  
"You should kneel before my great power, mortal, yet you mock me!" cried the god, standing up.  
"Oh my god Loki, sit down," said the Master with an eye roll.  
"What's all that shouting?" asked Lucy from the kitchen.  
"Nothing!" returned the Master. "Seriously, sit down."  
"But he insulted my power!" said Loki with a slightly whiny tone.  
Moriarty just shrugged.  
"I hope I don't have to babysit you," said Lucy sternly, walking in with a tea pot and a few cups.  
"We're really fine, I promise," said the Master. "Just a minor disagreement."  
"Knowing you, and knowing who you'd be friends with, a minor disagreement probably isn't very minor," she said, raising an eyebrow. Then, she stood up. "I'm going to the store, please don't kill anyone. If I have to put all the groceries away on my own (and we both know that's going to happen) _and_  hide a body I'm going to be upset. Love you." Then, she walked out the door.  
"You let the woman dispose of the bodies?" asked Loki, a bit incredulously.  
"Oh, she insists. Says I'm bad at it. Probably am, until very recently I always had the whole world domination thing going for me and didn't have to hide them," he said with a shrug.  
"I want one like that," commented Moriarty.  
"Touch her and I'll kill you," returned the Master casually.  
"Touch-y," said Moriarty, raising his eyebrows and sipping more tea.


End file.
